Life is not what we do; life is who we are. This distinction is critically important and too often lost on many of us. Without going all existentialist here....
Over the course of reading a ton, introspection, writing and observation it seems to me that we far too often seek to define and pursue a goal. However, our ultimate goal should be simply to be ourselves. We should not waste our lives looking for a goal; we should instead find, or at least look for, a way of life. Each individual, not societal programming or religion, is responsible for giving meaning to life and living it authentically as well as passionately.
We get ourselves in to trouble by living vertically; that is to say we pursue the next step in a goal, i.e. the next step up the corporate ladder, the next step in a relationship (been together a year so it's time to move in, then it's time to get married, then it's time to have a baby, and then our baby needs a sibling so it's time to have another child, and now we need a bigger house), the next step in a strength program (I've hit 225 now I want 275, then 315...). In so much that we do , or worse yet, in all that we do we live vertically.
We don't spend enough time living horizontally. By this I mean we need to not worry about defining a goal in the hopes that it will fulfill us (and in that goal the never ending vertical climb) but rather we need to choose a life we know we will enjoy. A life that involves self examination and reflection. One lived passionately and authentically. Seeking to find what truly drives us, what's our "why"
Living vertically is to be destined to leave one unfulfilled bc you allow yourself to define success by achievement of a goal. What exactly have you achieved by taking that next vertical step, the job promotion, the PR at the gym, that next step in a relationship?
Ultimately the goal is paradoxically attainable and unattainable. It is attainable because with enough work you'll likely get there , get that promotion, hit that PR, or take that next step in a relationship and simultaneously unattainable because there's always another vertical step, another promotion above the one you just reached, another 20lbs you want on your PR, another status symbol to add. Which means it cannot be anything other than unfulfilling.
Goals are fixed objects; we/people are not. We are exactly where we are supposed to be because we are the sum total of our experiences. Over the course of a lifetime any goal we set is fixed, static, unchanging. To dead lift 500 pounds, to become a Navy SEAL, to get a PhD, to make AVP/EVP/COO/CEO. When we set out for those goals, they are fixed. Their definition cannot be changed. We are not; over the course of our lives we change. So why let these goals, whose definitions are fixed, define us? Why focus on them (these vertical steps) so much, when we are always evolving, learning and our perspective being altered by things that happen to us?
To dedicate ourselves so fully to tangible (vertical) goals seems imprudent, if not reckless. How could we ever accomplish anything other than tilting at windmills? It seems, to me anyway, where we go wrong is not discovering and defining ourselves, instead of some goal. There is an old African proverb that says if there’s no enemy within, the enemy outside can do us no harm. Those goals, in this sense, are secondary because if we cultivate and discover who we are the rest will take care of itself. That’s not to suggest we never set goals, because inevitably by not choosing, everything will be decided for us. And it is ok to strive for more, whether that’s a career goal or some other vertical goal but it is sad to me that our default strive for more definition is work / material related, and we let success in that arena define us. Where we fail, in my opinion, is we don't foster spiritual growth, knowing what's your why, and the development of character; we pursue that which is next on some vertical climb rather than peace, happiness and balance. Is it any surprise then that the divorce rate is somewhere in the neighborhood of 50%? That voter turnout is so low? That living in the information age we are, ironically, so ill informed? Or, that addiction is rampant? Working on ourselves is hard; sometimes wildly unpleasant. I get that. But if you don't work on who you are, if you're not careful, your talent may bring you places your character can't keep you.
(Bernie Madoff, Aaron Hernandez et al).
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