Lessons from my little people

As much as we have teach to children, they have an equal amount to teach us in return. But only if we pay attention. I would like to think I am a good uncle to my 2nieces and nephew, collectively my “little people”. I love teaching them new things, new words (albeit it sometimes it’s words like Budwesier to an 18month old, funny nonetheless).But those are the easy things in life, when it comes to the hard stuff we could learn so much more from them, than they could ever learn from us.



Kids aren’t jaded from that dirtiest of four letter words—life. They are the epitome of the phrase tabula rasa. They don’t prejudge….ever. Wish I could say the same about myself. They have an inate sense of fairness, and they detest hypocrisy. Nothing makes a child more angry, perhaps frustrated is a better word, than hearing “you can’t do that because I said so”. Do as I say, not as I do just doesn’t’ float with them, and truthfully how can we blame them? Think about the last time you were in a situation at work or with a peer, who would rail against a certain behavior or habit, then turn around and do that very thing. If it’s enough to piss you off, imagine how frustrating it must be for a child who doesn’t have the same ability to reason and understand that we do (or that some us do). We would do well to follow their example and not prejudge, or be hypocritical.

They also appreciate the little things way more than we do. Bring a kid M&M’s or their favorite candy and see the way their face lights up, it’s the best 87 cents you can spend, it’s return on investment is immeasurable. Play catch with a young boy when he really wants to, and you can’t help but notice how this most American of past times can put a smile on his face and create memories that will last a lifetime, free of charge. Kids never miss a chance to laugh, never miss an opportunity to hug, and they smile ear to ear just because. We should all do the same.

My little people have also shown me time and again how important it is to get over things/disappointments. Sure they dwell on things, but nothing like adults do. A kid may protest for all of 2 minutes, which by the way is a disproportionate amount of their lifetime, they might even cry for 5 minutes (takes me much longer to get over a Michigan loss, tears included), but without fail they rebound and are back playing and laughing within 10 minutes every time. They don’t really dwell on things, they don’t hold grudges against anyone, which leads to the most important lesson I learn time and again from my little people….they only know how to love unconditionally, and they don’t know how to hate (except vegetables—this seems to be universally true). Their love doesn’t come with conditions. I’ll only love you if I get to live in a big house just isn’t a thought that enters a kids mind. They just love, expecting nothing in return. It’s that simple.

They certainly makes us laugh with the things they say and do, and if we pay attention they teach us more than we teach them.

I am willing to wager that on 12 September 2001 there was not a single American, political hack or ordinary citizen, who would have supported the building of a mosque at ground zero, so why is it less than 9 years after that fateful day we are even considering it? Or worse yet some people are even supporting it? Please spare me the first amendment rhetoric. For one thing the local or state government could easily declare the area a national historic landmark and end the discussion right there (after all Pearl Harbor is a NHL—as well it should be). The site meets the main criteria listed by nps.gov b/c it is definitely a site “That is associated with events that have made a significant contribution to, and are identified with, or that outstandingly represents, the broad national patterns of United States history and from which an understanding and appreciation of those patterns may be gained” (it meets many other criteria as well, see for yourself if you so desire http://www.nps.gov/nhl/QA.htm#2). Certainly we can agree it has more historical significance than say the 9th Fairway, between the tee and Green of the Pakachoag Golf Course, right? As a matter of fact the very building that they are proposing to turn in to a mosque has been under consideration as a NHL since 1989 and something like 30 other buildings in that neighborhood have been granted that distinction. Only about a week or so ago did NYC vote against making that particular building a landmark. The federal gov’t could end this nonsense and make the designation if it wanted to since the building was indeed damaged during the 9/11 attacks, but a small part of me is happy they have not done so.

The reason I am happy is that would be the easy way out and quite simply I am tired. I am tired of avoiding the hard decisions (like standing up and saying no you can’t put a mosque at ground zero, social security/Medicaid/Medicare reform). I am tired of every time I read/listen/watch the news these days I inevitably read/hear (depending on the medium) someone telling me that Islam really is a religion of compassion, peace and understanding. I am tired of the fact that we dance around historical FACTS when discussing their religion. I am tired of how obsessed some people in this country have become with political correctness that we are afraid to even tell the truth. I am by no means saying all Muslims or practitioners of the Islamic faith are terrorists, but since its inception Islam has been a religion of intolerance dedicated to converting everyone to its beliefs or….wait for it….not accept them….execute them. History is rife with examples of the intolerance, even of those who try to help them! Just 20 years ago when Iraq invaded Kuwait and was on its way to invading Saudi Arabia, it the was the US who stepped in to save that muslim/islamic nation. The US armed forces were the ones who ultimately stopped Iraq in Operation Desert Storm, however the forces stationed in Saudi Arabia at the time, protecting them from Iraq, were not even allowed to hang Christmas lights or wear crucifixes around their neck. Yea that sounds like a tolerant people. Sounds like a religion of compassion and understanding doesn’t it? Why is it that Muslims all over the world rioted about a cartoon of Muhammad in a Danish magazine, even setting fire to the Danish Embassies in Syria, Lebanon and Iran, but yet they tell us we need to accept their mosque, when they couldn’t even accept a cartoon without trying to blow something up? It seems quite hypocritical to me.

I am tired of people choosing the path of least resistance; tired of placating those who deliberately chose to attack us in the most vile and heinous way imaginable. This is not about the freedom of religion; it’s about what is right and wrong. There is no simpler way to put it. It is wrong to put a mosque at ground zero. Period. It is even worse when you consider that the CEO and Executive Director of the project is Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf. In case that name doesn’t ring a bell, let me remind you that Rauf said on 60 minutes that the United States was "an accessory to the crime that happened on 9/11". Hey Rauf: The only crime that happened that day was 3,000 people were executed for no other reason than they were American you douche! That is like calling a woman who has been the victim of a rape an accessory to the crime. It’s obscene to put a mosque, backed by that man, in the same place where 3,000 American citizens were murdered by Islamic extremists. To put a mosque at ground zero is an insult to those who died there, and to the families who lost loved ones there. Ground zero is a burial ground that represents the martyrdom of innocents in a free society, and should be treated as such. Don't make this about tolerance, especially tolerance of a historically intolerant people. I am not saying we shouldn't allow Muslims to build any more mosques, I am simply saying we shouldn't allow them to build one there.

what are we so afraid of.....

To face our biggest fears in life, we must first identify them. Some are easy, whether it be a fear of heights, failure, snakes, rejection, the dentist, creepy crawlies or other things that go bump in the night . Those fears are easily identified and to a large degree easy to face, and whether we know it or not, those are not our biggest fears. When I pondered this question I noticed a tremendous paradox; in order to face/identify our biggest fear we must explore the deepest recesses of our subconscious, which in of itself might be everyone’s biggest fear, so first we must overcome our biggest fear to find out our biggest fear?!?! I think I just blew my own mind. I got lost in this paradox, this riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma. The more I thought about it the more it seemed as if there was a fortress built around these most inner/personal thoughts. We are afraid of what we might find there, the things we don’t talk about at parties, and would never mention to another human being…..our own inner Dexter if you will. I worked relentlessly to penetrate the fortress built around that part of my subconscious and in so doing I couldn’t help but wonder if that fortress in a way is an engineering marvel of evolution designed to save us from ourselves…...from literally driving ourselves crazy.

I struggle(d) mightily with this, to the point it consumed me much like a fire engulfs a dry piece of wood. Could I penetrate that fortress? Did I truly want to, or was I afraid of what I might find there? As the seconds turned in to minutes, the minutes into hours, and the hours into days I couldn't’t let go of the question or the paradox. Every interaction I had with someone the thought entered my mind, and also made me wonder if they ever thought about these things, and what their true biggest fear was. Some part of me wanted to grab each person I came across and shake them like a British nanny, asking them why they didn’t seem to be struggling with this issue? How could they just go through the day and never wonder or ponder these things? I decided I had to let it go or it wouldn’t be long before I was hauled off in a straight jacket and dumped in a padded room. The second I did, wouldn’t you know the answer came to me in a dream.

I dreamt that I was dead but it wasn’t a fear of dying that is my biggest fear it was that no one was at the funeral…..it was that I was “forgettable”; I realized that was my biggest fear…..to be forgotten, to be forgettable. Now in close to 33 years on this planet I have been called a lot of things by a lot of people, but never once has it been forgettable. I can’t help but wonder that if that is because deep in my subconscious that has always been my biggest fear, so it has shaped my approach to life, my personality, who I am. Could it be that our biggest fear (even without us knowing it) determines who we are, what we do? Another question for another time.

It estimated that there are about 11.6 million illegal immigrants currently in the United States, roughly 3 million alone in California. By definition they have broken at least one law to get here, and once here some continue to break the law, you only need to look here to verify this http://www.wnd.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=52198. And here where in 2006 a study showed “Twelve Americans are murdered every day by illegal aliens, according to statistics released by Rep. Steve King, R-Iowa. If those numbers are correct, it translates to 4,380 Americans murdered annually by illegal aliens. That's 21,900 since Sept. 11, 2001.” (http://www.wnd.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=53103). So I ask my liberal friends how long do we stand idly by, when everyday 12 Americans are killed at the hands of illegal immigrants? As if the cost of life is not enough it is estimated that households headed by illegal aliens imposed more than $26.3 billion in costs on the federal government in 2002 and paid only $16 billion in taxes, creating a net fiscal deficit of almost $10.4 billion, or $2,700 per illegal household and among the largest costs are Medicaid ($2.5 billion); treatment for the uninsured ($2.2 billion); food assistance programs such as food stamps, WIC, and free school lunches ($1.9 billion); the federal prison and court systems ($1.6 billion); and federal aid to schools ($1.4 billion). Those numbers can only be higher now than they were in 2002 when that study was done by the Center for Immigration Studies. Why are we extending benefits to people intended only for citizens of this country? I have no issue with free school lunch program for the children of America who truly need it, I do however have a problem with $1,900,000,000.00 being spent on free school lunches for people who are criminal aliens (I am sorry but an illegal alien is a criminal by definition). And as recently as this week attorneys for two unnamed Western Michigan couples were to file a class action lawsuit in federal court, claiming the Kent County clerk is violating their civil rights by not granting marriage licenses to illegal immigrants who don't have a Social Security number. How does this not get laughed out of court? If they are not citizens by definition they have no standing to sue! Just another waste of taxpayer time and money.


Obama has stated that he wants to grant illegals amnesty (no surprise since he has an Aunt here illegally living in gov’t subsidized housing), and a free passage to citizenship, without taking in to consideration they broke the law to get here, some have continued to do so once they “put down roots”, and have been a drain on local and federal budgets. As Reagan once said “They say the world has gotten too complicated for easy answers. I disagree, there are no easy answers but there are simple answers.” . For starters amnesty should be taken off the table entirely. I am not saying close the metaphorical gates and path to the American dream, I simply ask it be done the right way, let’s enforce current immigration and naturalization laws.

The second part to the problem exemplifies what Reagan was referring to, the answer is simple but not easy…...b/c to solve the immigration problem we must help make Mexico a place Mexicans actually want to live (same for Haiti and other Latin American countries). This is by no means meant to disparage those nationalities, but we will always have an immigration problem unless we solve that issue. Mexico currently is a beautiful but violent and dangerous place, you need look no further than Ciudad Juarez to see this. Much the way the United States rebuilt Europe in the 1940’s-50’s under the Marshall Plan, we may need to do a similar thing with Mexico and the other Latin American countries. We must solve the problem, not put our finger in one hole in the damn just to watch it spring a leak somewhere else. We must encourage, and perhaps at the beginning even “fund” fiscal policies that allow for local governments to build infrastructure, good schools, hospitals, and to put in place honest/transparent gov’t officials/police forces (maybe that’s an oxymoron haha). We must enable and empower them to eliminate massive criminal enterprises that bring civil unrest, and horrific violence upon their citizen body. Amnesty is not the answer, and neither is deportation (not that I am against deportation, my point is they will just find another way back in). As a staunch fiscal conservative it may surprise you that I am in favor of offering to help fund these undertakings, but above all else I'm a pragmatist. Better to spend a several billion over the next several years solving the problem, than to lose 20 billion per year indefinitely and still have the problem.

I say "Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free", just do it legally and don't ask for a free ride upon arrival.

these walls are funny

I was driving home from work the other day and I realized that as I flipped from station to station I was feeding my already bad/anxious mood like adding gas to a flame. I noticed that I stopped on every sad song I could find, and let the lyrics wash over me, triggering an onslaught of negative emotions that became more and more difficult to shake. Hours later as the music continued to play in my head I struggled to comprehend why I had done this to myself, and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized that I was feeding the negative mood bc even as painful as it was/is, it is familiar. And familiar, even if it is painful, is comfortable. I think we can all be guilty of things like this (maybe not to the extreme that I am) but it must have some benefit to us/me or we would not do it - perhaps it is the benefit of familiarity and the safe feeling that it produces (as odd as that sounds)-as a friend pointed out to me, we know what we are getting when we dwell on it; we are familiar with it - we are not when we take an 'unknown path of action' . We take an odd comfort of the known-known, even if it is sadness, anxiety or stress; we’d rather dance with the devil we know than the one we don’t. It’s that fear of unknown-unknowns that seem to challenge us most.

It reminded of the line Red says to Andy in The Shawshank Redemption “These walls are kind of funny. First you hate em, then you get used to em. Enough time passes, you get so you depend on them.”. Metaphorically speaking we all build up the walls Red is referring to. Perhaps the single biggest challenge we all face in life is breaking down those walls, and choosing to face the unknown. So here’s to breaking down walls, to being uncomfortable and escaping that 6 inch prison b/w our ears. I made a promise to myself that I am going to work harder, I am going to push harder, I am going to try to get comfortable with being uncomfortable and continue to surround myself with good people bc only good things can come from that and I am fortunate to have them. I ask that you challenge me, and I promise in return to challenge you both physically and mentally.

Mind flu

This was written on a couple months ago...needed some time before I put it "out there"

For the past several weeks I have had a terrible, and debilitating case of the mind flu (it's much worse than the swine flu).If you who have never experienced it, it is my sincere wish that you never do....for if a mind is a terrible thing to waste, then a wasted mind is a terrible thing to have. It involves racing thoughts, an inability to focus(refocus) on anything constructive. Try as I might, the negative thoughts, feelings and anxiety come back tenfold every time I think I have won; I begin to realize this is a never ending lifelong battle. I feel trapped, boxed in, claustrophobic and frozen. I try to move "in spite of" this chaotic mind, that is doing its best to cripple me but at times it hurts just to breath. The more I try to understand it, the worse it becomes. All attempts make me feel like Sisyphus, and my mind screams "Give up"; I hear it in my head over and over again, after all that would be easier. In the face of adversity isn't it always easier to give up? Certainly when I am pushing my body far beyond anything I thought I could do, it would be way easier to give up, to quit, but I don't do it then. I do 10 more box jumps, I do one more rep, I get back on the bar and pull myself up despite agonizing lactic acid build up and the fact that my legs feel like cement. I continue to push myself past the breaking point, so why does the voice in my head dominate my thoughts and cripple me now? Why are all the negative thoughts bouncing around faster than atoms in the hadron supercollider?


I try to rally around a lesson I learned from Charlie Plumb some time ago.
That very often we build our own prisons, and the six inch prison cell b/w our ears is every bit as debilitating and painful as any real prison could ever be. Everything we do is a choice, and if we want, we can choose to give up, after all its just one more choice. However if we do give up we are letting go of the last of the human freedoms, which is to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way as Viktor Frankl once said. I try to make that choice, to choose my attitude, but fail. I tell myself that at the very least by trying I have made a choice, and have not given up that last of human freedoms. And yet the supercollider continues to spin, in a very real way creating black hole that is sucking me in. As I sit on the event horizon of this abyss of misery, despair and loneliness I try to recall anything that makes me happy--I try to choose. I recall my nephews laugh, my nieces immeasurable cuteness, or even her smile. I battle back; I make a choice. The pull doesn't let go, and I'm exhausted. I lie there and wonder why no matter long I spend staring at and talking to the ceiling it offers me nothing in return. And now I wait, for the next round to begin.

The journey

My personal path to self growth and enlightenment has been rocky at best, and sometimes an absolute train wreck. I’ve loved and lost, then swore to never love again. I’ve been to places most people only dream of, some beautiful, one terrifying. Battled mental instability along the way with the help of the best family and friends anyone could ever ask for. I’ve tried to be as good a son, brother, friend, uncle in return. I developed an addiction to exercise to treat it, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. There are days the demons win, but the war is far from over and I try to hold on to the belief that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I’ve always believed that we should live a life that is a statement, not an apology, and would like to think I have done so. The people I love most, know who they are, I tell them often if not with words then with actions. I try to do both. It took me ten years to ante up again in the game of love, I moved all in and got crushed. I spent many sleeplessness nights staring at my ceiling searching for answers that were nowhere to be found. Through it all I have come to some absolute truths in life

-A true friend walks in the door when the rest of the world is walking out.
-Life is hard, but we need to enjoy it b/c our time here is limited and could run out tomorrow
-That we aren’t meant to “understand” everything that happens to us, but please don’t ever tell me everything happens for a reason.
-Most importantly, we can only appreciate the miracle of a sunrise if we have waited in the darkness. (this one I have a great appreciation for)

If life truly is a journey and not a destination then I guess at this juncture I would describe me and my journey as perfectly imperfect. How would you describe yours?