Someone once told me I have a problem letting go. I am offended by that and I strenuously object (oh is that how it works ? you strenuously object?). I don't have a problem letting go; the rest of the world has problem holding on. Besides why would I ever let go when I choose so very fucking little to ever hold close? Everything I have in my life is because I didn't let go, I didn't give up. My close friendships, academic and physical achievements etc has all been from refusing to let go. Growing up I was always the smallest kid and was frequently told I always would be. I never let go of that, I used it to fuel a dogged determination to prove everyone wrong. I have developed and cultivated friendships that I am proud of. People from all different walks of life, but who at the end of the day have been there for me, and me for them.
But today we live in a throw away society. One defined by rampant consumerism. We replace stuff with new stuff all the time, regardless of whether the old stuff needs replacing or not. Sadly, relationships are handled the same way. When it gets hard, people quit bc thats easier. Too often you hear banalities like "if you love some thing let it go, if it comes back it was meant to be".....cue up the Iceman "bullshit" cough. That is total weaksauce.
I fear the problem will only get worse as the generation(s) that never knew a world without the Internet, Facebook, Skype, text messaging etc gets older. The art of communication and cultivating love has gone the way of the dodo. People don't know how to do it anymore. They build personas on the internet that are caricatures of who they really are. People hook up and break up via text message, and concern themselves more with validation through social media rather than making true, possibly everlasting, connections Disgraceful. We have stopped keeping scores at kids sports, and children are told they are perfect, and that nothing is their fault. Parents side with their kids blaming teachers for their child's failure, making them ill equipped to deal with failure, and rejection. It is easier to quit & to let go, than it is to persevere, but the thing is, nothing worth having comes easy and unfortunately bc of this attitude many will never realize that true love is inexhaustible; the more you give, the more you have. Call me cheesy, call me a romantic, call me whatever you want just don't forget to call me when it is time to press heavy weight. The thing is only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you've never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can't wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. They say things like "no history today, Craig" or "you're not that scary Craig" full well knowing they are the only person on Earth who could get away with saying it, and in a voice that warms your soul and resuscitates your heart.
There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. The anger and the rage dissipate. They bring you balance. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. They accept you for you in a way no one ever had before or ever will again. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, a song or a walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it's like being young again. Colors seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn't exist at all. An entire day can be spent in a sea of blankets, where seconds turn to minutes, minutes turn to hours, and though it feels like time is standing still you realize you have been there from sunrise to sunset & there is not one iota of guilt for wasting the day, bc you know it wasn't wasted, a minute by their side is more valuable than an eternity in heaven. A phone call or text during the day helps to get you through a long day's work and always brings a smile to your face.
In their presence, there's no need for continuous conversation, but you find you're quite content in just having them nearby. Silence is comfortable. It feels as if they make your heart smile. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. They are your first phone call; in success and more importantly in failure, their voice is the one you reach for. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there's a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible or thought you deserved.
You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that's so real it scares you, yet you find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.
You can never hold on too tight to that which you love, or as a man far wiser than I once said "never give up on something you cant go a day without thinking about". I couldn't agree more. I don't have a problem letting go, the rest of the world has a problem holding on.
(written/inspired some time ago, just took awhile to have the guts to post)
