“Some days I hideaway and wait for that rain to come”. I said. “Pain is alive in a broken heart. The past never does go away. I suppose we were born to love and we're born to pay the price for our mistakes. Memories they can't be erased. You leave me in the dark. Recounting all my sins. You put words in my mouth. That I can barely speak. These feelings in my heart; are they enough to overcome? Or is this the end?
These mental wounds aren't healing; driving me insane. In all good faith and sentiment, I can't believe somehow, that I haven't died of grief or something since she left this town. At 3 AM and 4 AM, it's impossible to sleep. I'd do anything to hold her, to feel her next to me. I'm all sore eyes, and there are beasts at my backdoor, pulling out their claws. So I'll pop some pills, and whatever else they give me; if it stops the nightmares, it probably won’t kill me. If I slow it down I'll end up on one of my accusers knives. If only I stopped to tell her that I love her, under the moon light...
"Sleep doesn't help if it's your soul that's tired" the moon said "but I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend. You’re the angry boy, a bit too insane, but it’s time to stop icing over a secret pain.” the moon said.
“What do you know about pain?” I asked “You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe when you’re with ‘em? You meet and neither one of you even knew what hit ‘em? I can’t tell you what it really is, only what it feels like, and right now there’s a steel knife in my windpipe. I can’t breathe, but I still fight, while I can fight. Feels like I’m suffocating and right before I drown she resuscitates me. Is it bc she loves me or fucking hates me?
The moon interrupted me saying “God isn’t going to look you over for medals, degree or diplomas...but for scars”
You better tell nobody but God, all the things I’ve seen, but it feels like I’ve been beaten to death, now I’m just bleeding to death, with regret.
"I've been walking the beach tonight. Just trying to get it right. I sit here by the moon, cause I'd rather be alone, if I can't have her right now, I'll wait here. Shed a tear bc I'm missing you, it’s a struggle to smile. Girl I think about you, every day now." I stood there, on a deserted beach, nothing but a hammock and my thoughts, I asked the moon to take me disappearing through the madness of mind, the foggy ruins of time, and out to the windy beach, far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow, where all memory and fate can be driven deep beneath the waves. Let me forget about today until tomorrow.
The moon noticed “it’s ironic that you’re on the beach, and soon heading out, because in many ways she reminds me of the sea....the way she came dancing towards you, wild and beautiful. And just when she was almost close enough to hold, she’d rush away again”.
“Don’t remind me” I replied. “You’re right. My darling is the restless sea. I'd like to ask her, has the night sky seen the same troubles as we? Tell me true, my love, the restless sea. It seems there are three things never satisfied. The grave, your heart, and mine. But will I you hold in my arms, where now only rust and sorrow lie, underneath the bounding main tonight? By now, I fear you've forgotten about me, while kissing clouds and gods, I’ve been brought down to my knees. And yes, now, I’ve come to know this endless night. High above, my love, is the constellation light, which feels like your fingertips waving over me. Endless night, I know it well indeed. I built a room for you in the back of my mind, where the ravenous wolves and ghosts I know reside. You were/are amazing; you’re always on my mind. There were things that I did, just so I could feel anything. I put my head inside the jaws of a tiger, hoping he’d consume me. But I was spared, cause I have no heartbeat and now the air that I breathe is about to run out. Heart attacks and broken dreams....there's an S.O.S on the seas tonight...I tailed off
"You can't stop the feelings you have for someone" the moon said "You can't lie to yourself either. Your heart knows the truth all too well, but you’ll be surprised to know how far you can go from the point where you thought it was the end. ” the moon told me as I lay on deck, staring up at the night sky.
I swear I saw you dancing under the constellation light. I could feel you move and I catch myself like a spell falling under you. Every night there was a fire, in your chest and in my brain, your fingers on my fingertips. All I’ve ever needed was your hand in mine. I would give anything for the touch of your skin. Yes, I would burn here for years, up in desire. What could make a woman like you, believe in a man such as me? Unworthy to sit at your foot or crown. Seems I can only let you down. What does it feel like inside? Does it hurt you at night? Or does it set you on fire? I know some men spend their lives chasing the accolades of pride. But that just never crossed my mind because you were always on my mind. I remember how you looked as you lay sleeping. I would stay awake there just to hear you breathing. I've accepted who you are, could you do just the same for me?
If you only exist now in my dreams, then don’t wake me up, bc thirty seconds after I wake, I remember where you are and my heart just up and breaks. If time could heal all these wounds, then god damn I’d wish my life away just for a sign of some relief . ”
"even the deepest scars in time will fade. When the pain is all but gone, when you finally sleep and awake, you'll see that despite the overwhelming odds tomorrow came." The moon reassured me.
"I don't know. 'It's such a shame'. I heard the wind say this morning, but it’s time to go home now; I stand alone in this airport bar and gather thoughts to think, that if all I have now is one long road, it could drive a man to drink. Staring at the bottom of this glass I can only hope one day it will last. See you when I close my eyes; I don't understand why everything I touch surely dies. But then I remember you, that smile, shining in all you do. And if you remembered me, you could save me from the way I tend to be. Then I catch myself, catching your scent on someone else, in this crowded space and it takes me somewhere I cannot quite place.
I take steps in your footsteps but they aren't getting me closer to what is left of the dreams of what I once claimed to know. Could you tell me again what you did this for?
You could be immature & selfish, but I don't mind. I'm just so tired of the empty sheets I sleep beside. I can only hope that one day you will believe in me as I believe in you. All my friends wanna get in to heaven, all I keep thinking is I was wish you were here. You might be an angel, or a devil....truth is....I don't know. But you are in fact, love, that's made me fall flat on my face. I know of no words that are enough to prove my love to you but there is a place only love can go. In my heart....you should always know.... there is a place ...only you can go.
" I understand" the moon said "but If you could soldier on, headstrong into the storm, I’ll be here waiting on the other side. Don’t look back; the road is long. The first days of the war are gone. Take back your former throne and turn the tide".
I wish I knew how? This world rings with echoes of lives once lived but now are lost. Time spent wondering about tomorrow. If I thought it would help I would drive this plane in to the sea. If the fire and smoke and explosions could speak for me; the words that I used to try to explain how something inside of me started to break, but one by one my words just got in the way. How many times did I crash against the waves, with my head going under? So, I don't care if I lose it all tonight, up in flames, burning bright, warming the air of the world. I've been burned so near to death, that I probably won't live through it, anyhow. . . . but I never wanted to look back years from now and think how extraordinary it could have been. I’d prefer to tell of how fear tried to cheat me out of the best thing in life, and I didn’t let it.
"Craig, I know a secret, but you can never tell; I know who goes to heaven and who goes to hell. Sometimes you're up. Sometimes you're down. God's gotta trouble the waters."
"What are you saying ? This is some kind of test? How many times can I break till I shatter?" I asked.
"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved." The moon replied
I suppose what we are is the sum of 1000 lies. What we know is almost nothing at all. But we are what we are till the day we die. It seems the path to heaven runs through miles of clouded hell.
I did some things, like a fool in a film. Those things didn't matter; but what if they did? Maybe I'll come running at the end of your line; or maybe I'll be the one you never get over.
You see....there's a room inside my heart that no one could ever go. It was boarded up and locked for years. Then you came along and cut yourself a key. Opened all the windows and said let it breathe. And there's a place inside your heart, baby I believe, where its been raining there so long that sometimes you can hardly see. But when you wake in the morning, I would kiss your face bc it's you I'll love through all my years.
El sonido de su risa es mejor que cualqier musica. Ella tiene mi corazon hasta que la luna cae del cielo.”
“forever is a long time” the moon said.
“with her, it wouldn’t be long enough."
"Depende, de que depende..." The moon replied, and after a long pause continued “Remember what I told you about the sun?” the moon asked. “Even after all this time the Sun never says to the Earth you owe me. Look what happens with a love like that. It lights up the whole sky”.
All I can do is just wait by the moon and bleed if that's what she says I oughta do.
I have late night talks with the moon. He tells me about the sun. I tell him about you.
